Giving Him the Glory

I know it's been a while since I've posted on here, and I have no excuses. Posting here was difficult for me for a time, because I didn't quite know how to say what needed to be said.

This morning, it all came together.

We are snowed in today, with ice and snow and a big mess of hazardous roads outside. As I was burning off some energy cleaning this morning, I was overcome with the gratefulness that I need to express.

For the past seven years, our family lived in a small farmhouse that was - well, let me just say it had its quirks. We had propane heaters that were not the most efficient, and I have used the oven to heat the kitchen. Meatloaf, anyone? My kids are experts in layering clothing and blankets, and we would laugh about being able to see our breath in the living room. I could go on, but I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining. That's not my intention at all. It was a blessing that we were able to live in this home rent free for seven years, but there were also days it was hard for me to appreciate this blessing. We wanted more space and a second bathroom was a luxury I dreamed of. Our four children kept growing and the space was becoming a little claustrophobic at times. We would remind ourselves that God was taking care of our needs.

This year, God has done some amazing things for our family. I can't even begin to describe the range of emotions I've experienced. I can definitely say He used many people to put us where we are today. I can't even begin to thank them all by name, but they knew who they are. They were so instrumental in our lives. For those who gave, whether it was time, money, supplies or advice, all were important. All were appreciated. All demonstrated servant hearts.

We set out early last year looking for a house with three bedrooms/two baths. We're pretty practical and didn't want to get something so big that we wouldn't otherwise have a life. We looked and looked but nothing felt right. We weren't in a rush - save our sanity - so we continued to look. Then God went to work.

Here's my next disclaimer: In no way am I meaning to brag about what happened. This was totally God's work, and he deserves all the glory. I've struggled about writing this because I don't want it to come across wrong, so please don't misunderstand me. 

After lots of prayers, tears, patience and waiting, and more prayers, tears, patience and waiting, and more - well, you get the idea - we closed on a house in town that not only met all our needs, but exceeded our wants too!

It needed a little bit of work and a lot of paint, but this summer we became owners of a foreclosure that was twice the size of our little farmhouse. We have enough bedrooms for the kids to have their own room (praise God!), and we also have not two, but three bathrooms. I will also never take for granted having a dishwasher. Just so you know that God cares about our piddly little desires too: I have always wanted a bay window in my bedroom. Voila!

When we moved in, this verse continually came to my mind:

“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this,” says the LORD of hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows. " Malachi 3:10 NASB

He didn't just give us a little bit of wiggle room, He opened his arms wide and let all the blessings pour in. It's on days like today, when there is a blanket of white outside and temperatures forecasted to drop down in the teens, that I am truly reminded of how blessed I am. I can walk around my house in long sleeves praising God for central heat and that He gave us oh so much more than we ever asked for.

Mother's Day

This week, as we approach Mother's Day, I have been continually confronted (convicted) with my responsibilities and areas I need to work on as a mom. 

Periodically, I go through times where I struggle more - the children are more difficult, and I grade my performance. I know it's typical for kids to have ups and downs, busyness, and some stress that affects their behavior. To an extent, those are mostly things out of my control, but I can control myself and my reaction.


Last night, I was nearing a breaking point. A time where I felt so much like I've failed that I didn't know what else to do. I felt that I didn't deserve the responsibility of having four children, because I was doing such a poor job. 


Those are the times I need to turn to Jesus, and let him take over. 


I remember the first time as an adult that I really struggled with a decision. I don't remember what the situation was or who all it involved, but I do remember going to my mother for advice. She directed me to James 1:5. Since that day, anytime I face general struggles, I go to the book of James. 


Last night I turned to James again, but this time the third chapter caught my attention. 


Taming the tongue. 

"Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3:5-6 (NIV)

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?" James 3:9-11 (NIV)

One of my convictions this week has been not what I say, but how I say it. My tone has been edgy and irritable. I don't feel joyful, and it reflects in my tone. I have let worry, stress, and irritation come out to those who are around me. Mostly, this has been with my children.
 
I don't want my kids to grow up thinking their mom was always in a bad mood. I don't want them to feel that I got more enjoyment from a run than I did in sitting down to eat dinner with them. Now cooking dinner, that's a different story. My prayer last night was for God to strip away the anger, bitterness, and stress that I let seep in to my life. Replace it with joy, peace, and happiness. 

I smiled a lot more in years past. I want that back. 


As I fell asleep last night, the verse that came to my mind was a comfort. I may have posted it here before, but it's worth repeating.

"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

For all the mothers out there, I hope your mother's day is filled with peace and joy. I know for some, it may be a more difficult day than others. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

No Excuses

Last week was Spring Break for my kids, and this year was different than last year's. The first part of the week was very quiet, which meant that either a) the children were asleep for several days or b) some of the children were gone.

Obviously, it was the latter choice.

My oldest daughter, Ashley, enrolled in a lifeguard certification course that would take four full days. I would be working, and the thought of the other three maintaining order while I was gone... (insert shudder here)

Thankfully, Grandpa and Grandma came through for me, and the kids spent three whole days at their house. "Three whole days, Ashley!" "What are we going to do?" "Think of how quiet it will be." "Think of how much I'll be able to get done!" Now I love all my kids and their nuances, but three days with only one quiet, self-sustaining child had me dreaming up plans to work on my book project, catch up on my blogging, and clean out some clutter.

I use the word dreaming, because that's exactly what it was.

I did not manage to work on my book, write a single blog post, or clear any clutter. I didn't cook any meals, do kids' laundry, or even clean out a drawer.

Instead, I discovered something about myself during those three days.

It's not that I have too much to do; I just try to do too much.

Stay with me, here. I know this is not a profound statement for some of you, but for me to come to that realization will hopefully help me manage my time better. Since I went back to work in October, I have been making excuses. Excuses as to why I can no longer crank out weekly blog posts, why I can't get my book query sent to a publisher, why the fridge and pantry aren't stocked (although I'll blame that one on a teenage boy).

For three days, I had quiet [mostly]uninterrupted time to myself. Ashley and I did watch a movie together one night, and she whooped me in Blokus at least six times, but I still didn't accomplish my tasks. I seem to have made it a habit of trying to complete more in a day than is physically possible.

Why do I try to fill every minute of every day, only to fall in bed with at least five unfinished items weighing on my mind?

I ran across a running quote from Shalane Flanagan this week that I intend to apply to other areas of my life as well: "No excuses. Just do the work."

I think that's a great idea.

A Spouse's Sacrifice

Regular readers of my blog will know that I tend to avoid writing about current events. My friends on Facebook will not see posts from me about politics or tragedies in the news. It's mostly because I have a belief that I don't have anything different to add. I also tend to see it as an information overload. 

But a recent event on Feb 2nd affected me differently, and I have spent the past few weeks wanting to say something, but without knowing how. With all the news coverage that followed, one main point stuck in my mind. That's what I want to focus on now.

So bear with me for a few minutes, as I try to convey my point of view from the shooting of Navy veteran Chris Kyle.

Chris was one of my high school classmates and a member of my church youth group. I sat next to him in English our senior year, and we both went on to Tarleton State University. The last time I saw Chris in person was probably on the Tarleton campus in 1995. I left when I got married and started my own Navy adventure. As a Navy wife. 

During the time of his book signings, I was able to connect to a lot of information about him online - mostly from Facebook postings of my MHS classmates. I felt a connection - not only because of the classmate I knew - but because of his wife. I had read that she wanted him to make a choice for his marriage and his family. 

He did.   

That's my focus right here. I don't think enough can ever be said about military spouses and the sacrifices they make. My husband had a chief who once said, "Your wife didn't come in your sea bag." Now, I'm not downplaying the military or the sacrifices they make, but so often we thank our service members for what they give up. Let's also remember the spouses. 

There are troubles we may not realize that a military spouse goes through. Friendships lost due to distance. Each new duty station brings new challenges. There are the logistics of trying to complete simple tasks when there is a deployment. There are moms who deliver babies without their husband at home. The adjustments of running a household solo, only to have the service member come home and turn things upside down. The joy of being home, too soon replaced with tension. The nightmares that come because of the deep down fear of losing your spouse. 

My writing may seem disjointed and broken right now, but this is a subject dear to my heart. 

I've lived it. 

I know the fear that comes from a week without a phone call. I know how hard it can be be with a 17-month old and a newborn when your husband is sent on deployment. I know the difficulty of trying to shop for groceries and manage the cars. I know what it takes to survive a foreign country doing all the above. 

I also know the joy that comes from having your spouse choose his marriage and children when his service time is coming to a close.

I say all this for this main point: Say a prayer for a military spouse today. Reach out to one if you can. Thank her (or him) for the sacrifice.  

Bring Down the Noise

Looking back over what I've posted the last few months, this subject matter may seem a little out of place. I can tell you, though, that this is something that has been weighing me down lately. I'm really not sure how to fix this, because it has become a standard part of our family.

We are loud.

An extremely loud family.

Loud parents who try to be heard over noisy children.

I see other families and wonder how their children can be so calm and quiet, while mine run around hollering at each other (not necessarily in a negative manner). Some mothers can speak just above a whisper and their children will hear and respond. Oh, how I wish I could do that! Mine don't always hear me when I'm sitting right across the table.

When we lived in an apartment in Sicily, we could often hear our downstairs neighbors carrying on a conversation. There was no insulation in the walls, and they were loud. It was just the two of us and a newborn baby. Such a quiet family. I miss those times. Now the only quiet I get is between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am - maybe.

Some of the noise level is due to hearing loss, compliments of the US Navy, but most of it is habitual.

I want to lower my tone, and I have tried before, but then I find myself slipping back into my old ways. The worst part of it for me: I always imagined myself as a soft-spoken mother, not edgy and loudmouthed. I don't like to yell across the house, but convenience factor takes over. I should just pull the car over whenever the kids get rowdy, but we'd never make it home. When my challenging child starts his meltdown, I should just close my mouth. Easier said than done.  

Why does all this noise bother me now? Now that I have two teenagers, and my children have become accustomed to these decibels? Now that I've been a parent for over sixteen years?

Now that my youngest came home with his first failing grade. His hearing exam.

I'm going to work to lower my noise level going forward. I want this to be a permanent change in my life. I want my children to see a difference and begin to change too. It takes 21 days to break a habit. I need to replace it with a positive one.

I need you to hold me to this one!