This week, as we approach Mother's Day, I have been continually confronted (convicted) with my responsibilities and areas I need to work on as a mom.
Periodically, I go through times where I struggle more - the children are more difficult, and I grade my performance. I know it's typical for kids to have ups and downs, busyness, and some stress that affects their behavior. To an extent, those are mostly things out of my control, but I can control myself and my reaction.
Last night, I was nearing a breaking point. A time where I felt so much like I've failed that I didn't know what else to do. I felt that I didn't deserve the responsibility of having four children, because I was doing such a poor job.
Those are the times I need to turn to Jesus, and let him take over.
I remember the first time as an adult that I really struggled with a decision. I don't remember what the situation was or who all it involved, but I do remember going to my mother for advice. She directed me to James 1:5. Since that day, anytime I face general struggles, I go to the book of James.
Last night I turned to James again, but this time the third chapter caught my attention.
Taming the tongue.
"Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3:5-6 (NIV)
"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?" James 3:9-11 (NIV)
One of my convictions this week has been not what I say, but how I say it. My tone has been edgy and irritable. I don't feel joyful, and it reflects in my tone. I have let worry, stress, and irritation come out to those who are around me. Mostly, this has been with my children.
I don't want my kids to grow up thinking their mom was always in a bad mood. I don't want them to feel that I got more enjoyment from a run than I did in sitting down to eat dinner with them. Now cooking dinner, that's a different story. My prayer last night was for God to strip away the anger, bitterness, and stress that I let seep in to my life. Replace it with joy, peace, and happiness.
I smiled a lot more in years past. I want that back.
As I fell asleep last night, the verse that came to my mind was a comfort. I may have posted it here before, but it's worth repeating.
"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
For all the mothers out there, I hope your mother's day is filled with peace and joy. I know for some, it may be a more difficult day than others. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
