After a rough start in getting the kids off for the first day of school last week, I was stunned by the emotion of taking a child to high school. I thought I was better prepared for this milestone, so I did not expect the tears that blurred my vision watching my beautiful, tall, growing-up-way-too-fast daughter walk into the school for her first day of ninth grade.
I tried to mask my emotion while my three other children sat quietly in the back seat. Then my six year-old said, "Mommy, are you crying?" This started a new flow of tears. How do you explain that you're sad when your children grow up, but proud to see them take big steps?
I cried when each child started Kindergarten, but for different reasons. There were "first child" tears and "my little girl is scared" tears. Five years later, I experienced "my child didn't wave goodbye" tears, and finally "the baby is in school" tears. But I also cry every time I see my children perform in school plays, church musicals, sporting events, and band concerts.
I hate that it is easy for me to get red-nosed, so I'll blame that on my children. With each baby we added to our family, the probability that I would cry during any given event increased greatly.
Each milestone tugs on my heart a little differently.
I'll admit, there are times I don't want my children to grow up. I want them to still need me, and sometimes my tears are a longing for that need. But that's not my task. My tears should represent a satisfaction that my children are taking positive steps for their future.
So you'll see me crying at the next church musical, and I will probably embarrass my children. I expect there will be more tears to come.
As my mother advised, "Save some tears for graduation."
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